


A Thousand Miles

by mangosmoothiecoran



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Fix-it fic, Happy Ending, M/M, Matt is insecure, PLEASE DONT READ YOU WILL GET SPOILED, Past Adam/Shiro - Freeform, Reunion 2.0, SET AFTER S7, Shiro is doing his best, after finding out Matt has a gf I came up with her name, and a good person, cheesy early 2000 hits, everyone who isn't Matt and Shiro are only make quick cameos, shatt centric, trigger warning for anyone sensitive to insecure thoughts and throwing up, yes my title is based off of that song, you can't tell me it doesn't describe them perfectly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 17:17:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15667728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangosmoothiecoran/pseuds/mangosmoothiecoran
Summary: (Fix-it fic set after season 7 for all us Shatt shippers and thirsty ass Matt stans)Feelings never truly gone resurface after the war for Earth is over. It's not easy mourning for a friend and lover now gone. However, Matt is there for Shiro, and Shiro can't help the fact that he is in love.Sadly it's not that easy, and both sides struggle to meet the other halfway when outside factors intervene.





	A Thousand Miles

**Author's Note:**

> HELLO EVERYONE! So season 7 amiright?  
> Gonna come out and say it now, I basically nutted when Matt showed up on my TV screen for five seconds.  
> I wrote this for two of my beautiful friends, and for all the shatt shippers needing something after Matt was confirmed to be alive. I really need another reunion scene, A REAL REUNION SCENE, but until that happens I'll have to write.  
> PLEASE DONT READ IF YOU WANT TO STAY SPOILER FREE! If you don't care then enjoy!
> 
> (Listen to 'A Thousand Miles' please i beg I know it's meme but PLEASE it's shatt)

     It was hectic coming back to Earth. Matt at first didn’t have enough time to see the paladins or anyone else who wasn’t his immediate family. With Renae, his girlfriend in tow, Matt reunited with his family and sister. The time after was spent at Katie’s bedside waiting for her to regain conscientiousness, and sleeping any moment he didn’t have to keep an eye on her.

     It took three weeks before Katie woke up. Matt immediately hugged her and the two siblings cried as they clung to each other. Sam and Colleen kept their distance, letting them have their moment and walking out a second later to go get something.

     “I thought you were dead, I was so relieved to hear from dad a transmission about you and everyone else. I am so proud of you Katie.” Pidge cried harder upon hearing that.

     “I was so scared Matt. Everyone was scared that we were going to die but we couldn’t let Earth be taken. I can’t believe it’s all over.” Matt nodded his head against his sister’s hair. The two remained in their hug position for a moment longer before the door to the room opened and a dog’s bark rang out.

     “BAE BAE! HEY BOY!” The dog jumped onto the bed and started licking Pidge’s face. Matt stepped back a bit to allow Bae Bae some room. Colleen and Sam laughed as the bed’s occupants reunited. Matt heard the door open again and in walked Nyma, Beezer, and Renae. Beezer made a series of happy noises as he rolled over to Pidge’s side in front of Matt. Pidge squealed in delight upon seeing the robot and leaned over to hug him.

     “Beezer has not shut up about you, I was worried he would hurt the guards around the rooms if we didn’t bring him soon.” Everyone laughed and Beezer made annoyed sounds. Matt looked over at Renae who was standing next to his parents by the windows. She gave a small nod and Matt gave one back, it was good to be home.

* * *

 

     Three days after Pidge woke up, Matt finally left the room to go visit the other paladins and take a shower.

_‘I love you Matt, but please take a shower. You’re stinking up my room.’_

    Leaving the hospital, Matt had found out from his parents that Pidge was the only one out of the Paladins to still be in the hospital. Everyone else was set up in dorms back at the Garrison, and last Sam had heard, currently at the dining hall going over different things and talking to delegates and such. Walking to the familiar hall he spent many days crying over pudding and stressing by drinking coffee and energy drinks, Matt felt nerves flicker in his stomach; this would be the first time in four years he’d be seeing everyone.

     Making it to the entrance, Matt took a deep breath in and walked in. The main eating area was packed, different groups huddled at tables and stuffed as much food as they could in their mouths while talking. Matt walks into the room a bit and scans around looking for the paladins. He almost misses them if it wasn’t for Hunk cheering quite loudly about something before being shushed by Lance. Matt smiles and walks over to them.

     “Hey guys.” They all look over at him and seem to process for a second before jumping up.

     “MATT!” Matt is hugged from all directions as everyone tries to grab onto him. Everyone is talking at once and crying ever so slightly. Matt is a bit surprised at the reaction but he did fight and live with them for a few months.

     “It is so good to see you dude! You look amazing, really got yourself fixed up even more while in space.” Matt laughs at Hunk’s comment.

     “Yeah, no salons in space. I kind of like it though, I’ll probably keep it.” Everyone gives some form of agreement; his hair being a length they agree is good for him.

     “We heard from your dad that Pidge is awake. We figured we would visit tomorrow so she has enough time to really regain her strength. Does she look okay?” Matt gives Lance a nod. He had heard from Pidge the many times Lance protected her as if she was family, he owes a lot to him.

     “She’s still as sassy and cute as ever. I’m sure she will love seeing you guys!” Everyone smiles and it’s at this time Matt notices Shiro is not among the group. He wants to ask where he is and how he’s doing, especially after Matt now knowing what happened to Adam. Matt doesn’t get the chance to as Coran moves to the side to grab something off the table and the front entrance is no longer covered. Now having a perfect view of the it, Matt’s throat clenches and his stomach somersaults when the one and only Takashi Shirogane walks into the room.

     “Shiro.” His name escapes Matt in a tone barely above a whisper. Keith, who is closest to him, turns to face him. He has a puzzling look on his face but Matt doesn’t break his gaze that is fixated on Shiro. Shiro doesn’t notice him, not till he scans the room looking for something and finds the group towards the farthest wall. He smiles, looking at everyone else before he finds Matt and his eyes widen.

     The two stare at each other for a few seconds before Shiro makes the first move.

     “Matt?!” Shiro is sliding past people as he power walks towards Matt. Matt walks behind Allura and Coran that are in front of him and picks up his pace to match.

     “Shiro!” Shiro smiles, smiles so wide Matt feels like he is looking at the sun. Tears are threatening to burst from his eyes and Matt decides to fuck it and sprint the rest of the way to Shiro. Time stops when Matt jumps into Shiro’s open arms and is spun around. The two laugh as Shiro spins Matt around a bit more before setting him down.

     “I, I can’t really believe you’re alive. Pidge was so worried, she thought you were dead and we couldn’t go look for you after being blasted across the galaxy to back here. I was so scared I’d never see you again, at least as me, not a clone who was pretending to be me.” Matt sputters a bit, tears and snot making it difficult to focus properly.

     “It’s okay, I’m here. I’m so proud of you and everyone else. My parents and I are forever indebted to all of you. I’m sorry I wasn’t here to help protect our planet.” Shiro shakes his head and rubs Matt’s head.

     “No need to be sorry, you were fighting your own battles. All that matters is you are here and alive. You came back.” Matt smiles. Neither break the hug, not ready to let go just yet.

* * *

 

    Matt could only smile as he watched different alien species and humans work together to rebuild Earth. The diversity and coming together almost made Matt want to cry as he hauled different boxes filled with materials across the road. His rebel fleet was currently stationed in a small suburban neighborhood a few miles away from the Garrison, many of the houses were rebuilt but looked much different than their original forms.

     “MATT! Clock in for the day you’ve been out here already for nine hours!” Matt laughed as one of his companions threw a rag at him.

     “OH COME ON P! CAN’T I HELP OUT A LITTLE BIT MORE?” Another rag was thrown at him but Matt ducked it.

     “NO! YOU’LL GET HEAT STROKE! BESIDES I GOT A CALL FROM CORAN, HE SAID SHIRO ASKED FOR YOU!” Matt froze a bit at that. It has been almost two months since his return to Earth, and Shiro and he have not spoken since that moment in the cafeteria. After Katie had told him Adam died fighting and Matt cried all night, he wanted to talk to Shiro just to make sure he was holding up okay. Despite everything, Adam was a dear friend of his; and an even more dear person to Shiro. Remembering that P was looking at him, he gave a nod and walked off to the cruisers so he could head back to the Garrison.

     The ride took less than ten minutes. Many people were littering the open area surrounding the Garrison and the garages were occupied even more so. Matt parked outside, not wanting to risk running anyone over. Giving a nod to a few workers, Matt headed for the elevator and opened his holographic screen from his wrist.

     “Coran. I heard Shiro was looking for me? Where is he now?” Coran’s face appeared on the screen and it seemed he was concentrating hard on whatever was in front of him. Glancing briefly over at Matt he answered.

     “I believe he is at the memorial. Not sure what exactly he wants to talk about, but I can guarantee it isn’t going to be dangerous.” Matt laughed a bit.

     “Thanks Coran. Good luck with whatever you’re working on.” Matt ended the call and pressed the appropriate button on the elevator so he could meet up with Shiro. After stopping at a few other floors and picking up some more people, he arrived at the memorial floor alone.

     Shiro was sitting on the ground in front of the section where Adam’s small name plate was. Upon hearing footsteps he turned his head towards Matt and gave a small smile.

     “Matt. Thank you for coming, I know you’re busy helping with repairs.” Matt gave a small hand wave.

     “No big deal. I’ve been meaning to catch up with you.” Shiro nodded his head and patted the spot next to him. Matt walked over and sat down, a few inches separating them. Neither of them spoke, Matt didn’t know what to say since Shiro was the one who wanted to see him. After a few minutes Matt heard Shiro laugh.

     “Do you, do you remember the time I came home drunk and Adam told me to tell the time?” Matt rose his eyebrow.

     “And, and I fucking turned towards the small alarm clock we had and told it I ‘wasn’t drunk’? Oh god, Adam looked like he was about to laugh or strangle me.” Shiro laughed a bit more, Matt couldn’t help but smile a bit.

     “Oh no wait! Wait, remember the time you got an ostrich, an actual live ostrich and brought it to our apartment? Adam walked in and asked you what you had. You said a smoothie!” Shiro was a fit of giggles now as Matt tried hard not to laugh too loudly.

     “I remember that. He chased me around the Garrison for three hours. Yelling at me about how I’m a bad influence and that I brought such an animal into your apartment. Do you remember when we snuck out of class and went to the observatory? Oh man, Adam made you sleep on the couch for a week. Course he would have added more if he found out we were smoking.” Shiro couldn’t contain himself as he full on laughed. Matt couldn’t contain it either as the two laughed over memories and different times of their past. Somehow between the remembering and the laughing, Shiro had quieted down and was silent against the wall.

     “I still remember the last thing I said to him. God, I can never take that back, I can never go back and tell him I love him one last time.” Matt looked over at Shiro who tucked his legs into himself and started crying. This wasn’t a soft cry, no, this was a cry of pure agony as Shiro’s tears littered his pants and hands. Matt immediately pulled Shiro close to him and comforted him the best he could.

     Shiro’s cries turned into wails and whimpers as everything came crashing down finally. Matt felt himself crying too, but not as hard as Shiro. Adam was everything to Shiro, everything he ever wanted in a significant other; but now that was gone. Adam was gone, and Shiro could never get that other piece of him back.

     It took a few good minutes before Shiro finally calmed down enough to not wail or whimper. Tears still kept flowing out of his eyes, but not as hard as before. Matt simply soothed Shiro’s hair down and shushed in his ear as Shiro became more and more limp.

     “You know, I, I didn’t tell you that Adam and I talked after that one fight. He approached me, wanted me to reconsider; but I didn’t. He got so mad Matt, so mad. I never saw him so angry with me before, and I didn’t want that to ever happen again. He said some things I know he regretted once they were out. I got mad. You’ve never seen me truly mad Matt, and in that moment I was. Did I ever tell you that he said something about you? You! Of all people, Adam spoke about you. Adam didn’t have any right to say what he said. I guess in a way he was right though. We made up after the fight though; took some time to cool off. We both knew we weren’t going to come up with a conclusion we liked, and it broke Adam to see me go. I know deep down though that I would not change what I did.” Matt only nodded his head at that. The thought about what Adam said about him lingered in his mind, but it was pointless to dwell on it.

     “Matt? I’m so glad you’re not dead. I really am.” Matt laughed a bit.

     “You can’t get rid of me that easily Shiro.” Shiro pulled away a bit, cupping Matt’s face with his hands once he had enough distance to do so.

     “Thank you for all that you’ve done. I, I want you to know that-“ Shiro’s sentence was interrupted as Matt’s wrist gave the ‘incoming call’ sound. Matt looked down and pressed answer, Hunk’s face filling the screen.

     “Hey Hunk! What’s up?” Hunk gave a big smile as he moved to sit down on something.

     “Hey Matt! Listen I heard you’re off duty right now so I wanted to know if you’d be interested in coming over to my parents for dinner?” Matt looked over at Shiro who gave a small smile and nod. Matt wanted to know what Shiro was going to say, but if he was letting him go then dinner at Hunk’s would be nice.

     “I’d love to come over. Anyone else joining us?” Hunk nodded his head.

     “Yep! Got your sis and Shay coming. Thought it’d be nice to have my two mini Holt friends over for a change, plus finally have you properly meet Shay.” Matt nodded his head.

     “Sounds awesome! I’ll be over in two hours, see you then.” Matt ended the call and locked eyes with Shiro. The other was quiet, Matt didn’t really know what to say after all that happened. He settled on smiling.

     “Guess I gotta head out.  Uhm, you gonna be okay Shiro? I can stay longer if you need me to? I could ask Hunk if you can join us?” Shiro shook his head.

     “No it’s okay Matt, I’m fine. Thank you for being here, I really needed to let it all out.” The two smile at each other, holding it for a little longer than necessary before Matt is the first to look away.

    "Call me if you need anything okay? I’ll always be here for you.” Shiro nods his head and the two hug. Matt wants it to last longer than the two seconds it’s alive, but he has to go and they both know that. Breaking apart, Matt gives a smile then walks off towards the elevator. It’s not till he’s inside that he feels his cheeks ache from smiling too long.

* * *

 

     Making it back to his temporary dorm, Matt plops down on the only recliner in the living area and sighs. After a few minutes, he feels two hands slide onto his shoulders and start massaging gently. Opening one eye, Matt smiles when he sees Renae behind him.

     “You sound exhausted. Long day?” Matt groans as Renae continues to massage.

     “It was productive. Many of the homes are nearly complete, it’s just the roads and scenery that is a pain.” Renae hummed in agreement. Relaxing under the massage, Matt allowed himself to breath and not think for a few minutes. A few minutes later he cracks his neck as Renae quits massaging.

     “Well, I sadly will have to go out tonight. I couldn’t get tonight off since we’re almost done repaving the town. Are you going to be okay here alone?” Matt laughed a bit.

     “Actually Hunk invited me over. I’m supposed to head over in just under an hour and a half. Funny he called, I was with Shiro when-“ Matt immediately closed his mouth at that. Renae walked in front of him and crouched down. She stared at Matt with her blank face that seemed to scream a thousand emotions all at once.

     “Shiro?” Matt rubbed his neck; this was not the time or place when and where he wanted this conversation to occur.

     “Yeah he asked for me at the end of my shift. We talked for hours, he cried a bit. Just got some things out.” Renae nodded her head, grabbing Matt’s hand in the process.

     “You don’t have to say anything Matt, it’s okay.” Matt protested.

     “Renae I promise I-.” Renae squeezed his hand.

     “I understand Matt, it’s okay.” Matt didn’t say anything. He wanted to cry, this wasn’t fair.

     "I need to go, I need to secure my spot on a cruiser. Enjoy your dinner tonight.” With a quick kiss on the cheek, Renae left the dorm and Matt threw a book at the wall.

* * *

 

     A week went by and Matt was working harder than before. The last house was being rebuilt on the street he was working on, and once it finished the yards and roads would be able to get more TLC. It wouldn’t be so bad if the sun wasn’t beating down on Matt and the other workers with no breeze going.

     “HEY HOLT! THERES A SHIPMENT COMING IN ON THREE CRUISERS DOWN THE STREET! GO GRAB BOXES 5T AND 10W FOR US!” Matt looked over at Tibtu who was standing on a ladder holding a few cables. Giving him a nod, Matt dropped the tools he was holding and walked down the makeshift driveway and towards the entrance of the street. It wasn’t a long walk and when he arrived the cruisers were already there.

     Walking up to the first one closest to him, Matt was ready to ask for the boxes he needed before a familiar face turned towards him.

     “Matt! Hey I thought I might run into you. Boxes 5T and 10W right? Here let me get them for you.” Matt could only stand there as Shiro grabbed the two boxes he needed and brought them to him.

     “Not very big, but here you go! How’s it all going over here? I’ve been hearing some great progress reports.” Matt nodded as he grabbed the two boxes.

     “Its been going great! Wish this damn heat and sun would give us a break. How about you? Things going okay in the political field?” Shiro sighed.

     “For the most part yes, but it’s still a work in progress talking to every leader and forming different unions. It’s tiring, Allura and Coran are helping but they can only take so much.” Matt nods his head.

     “I bet. I know you guys are doing great things though. The Garrison could not have picked a better person to discuss peace and restore the universe.” Shiro blushes a bit at that and Matt has to do a double take to check whether or not it’s actually there.

     “Thanks Matt. Say, if you’re not busy tonight, would you be interested in going to the observatory. Thing somehow managed to survive the war.” Matt doesn’t even think before he responds.

     “Of course. I get sent home around 6, meet at 7?” Shiro smiles and nods, the two holding gazes longer than necessary again before there is someone yelling in the distance.

     “OI! HOLT! GET YOUR TONED ASS BACK HERE WE GOT WORK TO DO!” Matt breaks the gaze as he turns to look behind him.

     “ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I’M COMING TIBTU!” Matt looks back over to Shiro who’s still smiling.

     “See you at 7 Holt.” Matt nods his head and the two part ways. Upon returning back to his group, Matt listens to comments for the rest of his day about the tall drink of water booty call who is Takashi Shirogane.

     “Think you two eye fucked long enough?” Matt threw a large clump of dirt at Tibtu who simply laughed and dodged it.

* * *

 

     Finishing right on the dot, Matt sprinted to the cruisers and took off back towards the Garrison. Arriving on the premises in under eight minutes, Matt barely took the time to take the keys out before he ran to his dorm, showered, and grabbed an apple. Renae had left a note on the table saying that she was working late and that she’d be home close to three in the morning. Putting his trademark scarf on, Matt left the note on the table as he walked out of the dorm and towards the elevators.

     The elevator ride seemed to drag on for hours as Matt tapped his foot impatiently and munched on the last bits of his apple. No one else joined the ride up towards the roof and Matt was grateful for that. After another minute, the door chimed upon its arrival on the roof and Matt threw his apple core in a trash bin close to the doors. Walking the familiar ramp that led to the observatory, Matt could feel his heart beat rapidly as he tried to rub the sweat forming on his palms on his jeans. This was not the time.

     Rounding the corner, Matt spotted Shiro sitting on the bench right outside the observatory doors. Smiling, Matt jogged a bit to make it up to him faster.

     “Shiro! You’re here early.” Shiro looked up upon hearing Matt’s voice and stood up.

      “Hey Matt. Yeah, I wasn’t doing a whole lot after I dropped off the supplies earlier and I figured I’d come a few minutes early to watch the sky. Ready to go in?” Matt nodded his head and the two walked in. No one else was there, many not having the time or care to come. The two crossed the small seating area and walked up the employee’s only staircase that led to the roof. It was better to sit on the roof than in a room.

     Opening the latch, Shiro shoved the small trap door open and pulled himself though. Matt came up after, closing the door behind him and moving to the edge of the roof. The sun was just beginning to set, a soft hue of pink coloring the horizon.

     “It’s crazy being back up here, you know after everything that’s happened. Thought this roof would be a safe haven to us two nerds.” Matt swung his legs over the edge and swung them back and forth slowly. Shiro had his legs over too but kept them still.

     “I agree, everything seemed so peaceful and so concrete when we were up here. Like it was just us and the universe. Do you remember when you failed that one test and we bought two packs of beer and drank while listening to the radio?” Shiro laughed a bit.

     “Oh my god yeah. Adam was so pissed when I got home, I remember having that dumb white girl song stuck in my head for weeks.” Matt swatted Shiro’s arm as he gave a scoff.

     “I remember us having quite the concert that night. You make it sound like it was a bad thing.” Shiro giggled.

     “Oh yes, two drunk idiots singing ‘A Thousand Miles’ on a rooftop at one in the morning.” Matt gets a brief flashback of that night and how buzzed he was on cheap beer. The feeling of Shiro’s arms around his waist as they sang white trash 2000 hits and reenacted the Titanic ‘we’re flying’ scene. Matt also remembers getting too close to Shiro, too close for a friend, and not caring as he caressed Shiro’s cheek and sang ‘A Thousand Miles’ so softly it almost made him forget the song was a meme.

     “I have to admit though, that night was amazing. Made me forget the test I failed, and I got to hang out with my best friend. Still Adam came so close to murdering me. I’m pretty sure he would have if it wasn’t for you standing there giggling and playing with his hair.” Matt snapped out of his memories as Shiro continued on with the story.

     “Oh god yeah, Adam couldn’t stay mad when I was complimenting him every five seconds. Have to admit, I think my favorite moment on this roof is the one where we actually fell asleep up here. The cleaning crew poked us with brooms to wake us up.” Shiro snorted.

     “And sprayed us with Windex because we wouldn’t budge.” Matt grabbed his stomach as he laughed.

     “Then they got the hose out and chased us all through the auditorium and out the front door! Iverson suspended us for four days. You had to sleep on the couch for two weeks because Adam couldn’t believe you did that. He was also salty that we didn’t invite him.” The two were now in uncontrollable fits of laughter as they leaned against each other. The roof was a witness to many magical moments, and much heartbreak.

     Neither of them spoke about it, but the roof had seen its fair share of crying and screaming. Especially during the time after Adam and Shiro’s breakup. Matt spent many nights comforting his two friends at separate times, not wanting either to be lonely. Shiro spent the most time up on the roof with Matt as he needed more time to think and breath.

     Finally dying down from their laughter, neither of them made a move to reposition themselves. Matt kept his head on Shiro’s shoulder and Shiro kept his head on top of Matt’s.  Everything was silent, the scene of the now almost fully set sun painting the horizon in oranges and blues. Matt felt so at peace, he wanted to stay in this position forever, but he couldn’t. He had someone now, someone he really did care for; but he knew deep down he would never be able to care for Renae the same way he cared for Shiro. The mere thought made him sick, and Matt felt himself lifting his head off Shiro’s shoulder as the sun finally set.

     “You know Shiro, I never thought I’d make it back here. I never thought we’d be back here on this roof talking.” Shiro gave a small nod, the thought seeming to have crossed his mind multiple times.

     “It almost doesn’t feel real. I’m so glad it is though, you’ve done a lot for me Matt. I’m glad we both survived and are back on this roof.” Matt looks over at Shiro who is giving Matt a soft smile. Matt feels his breath hitch in his throat, the colors of the sky make Shiro look beautiful and it only caused him to look away and shrug. This was not the time.

     “Me too, but you don’t have to thank me Shiro we’re friends.” Matt only gets a hum in response and he feels a small pit forming in his stomach due to it. Neither of them speak the rest of the time they are on the roof.

* * *

 

     The week and two days following Matt and Shiro’s time on the roof of the observatory are full of tension in Matt’s dorm. Renae and Matt are working constantly and whenever there home together Matt can feel Renae wanting to say something but holding back. After a few days following the night, the two started sleeping separately. The tension is driving Matt crazy, and he wants to confront it before it’s too late.

     It’s late, the clock is five minutes away from hitting three a.m. and Renae is just now walking in the door. Matt shoots his head up upon hearing her and she gives a sigh as she puts her things down and walks to the fridge.

     “Hey, how was work?” She opens the door.

     “We’re so close to finishing that it isn’t even funny. I think two days from now we’ll be completely finished which is a relief.” Matt nods his head and Renae grabs a water bottle then sits down at the table.

     “How about you?” Matt decides to answer with something else.

     “Why are you mad at me?” Renae stops the water bottle a few centimeters from her mouth at that.

     “What do you mean Matt?” Matt laughs dryly.

     “You’re a smart woman Renae, don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about.” Sighing and setting her water bottle down, Renae rubs her face.

     “I’m not mad at you Matt, I just knew when we got back here things would change.” Matt looked at her confused.

      “Change how? Sure, yeah, the rebuilding and having to create alliances is new, but what does that have to do with anything?” Renae sighed.

     “I meant when you met up with Shiro again.” Matt felt a twinge of anger sweep through his body.

     “Was I not supposed to see my best friend again?” Renae slammed her hands down.

     “Don’t act like an idiot Matt! You know full well you love him, you want him so bad I’m afraid you’ll jump him. You can’t fool me, I see it in your face when you talk about him. Even back when we first met, Shiro was all you talked about and how much you wished to see him again. Honestly, I’m surprised you got with me even when I was trying to forget Jena.” Matt felt his face heat up. This was not what he wanted to have happen right now.

     “I’m not mad at you Matt, but I will be if you continue to act like an idiot hopelessly devoted to someone else while already in a relationship.” Renae grabbed her water again and tossed it back and forth between her hands. Matt wanted to argue with her, make her see that everything she had said was wrong; but he couldn’t. He did love Renae, she was smart, strong, and an amazing friend. All that time alone in space, fighting beside each other and having to rely on the other during desperate times made it hard not to fall in love. However, this situation only made Matt suddenly piece together the similarities between his and Renae’s situation to that of his and Shiro’s up to a certain point. Rubbing his face, Matt got up and sat down in a chair closer to Renae.

     “Renae please don’t think that I don’t love you. I do, I fell for you during the many years spent fighting and hiding.” A tear escaped Renae’s face and Matt wanted to reach out and wipe it away but she beat him to it.

     “I know you do Matt, and I’m sorry. I think we both know we’re devoted to others that we couldn’t have at the time so we sought comfort in the other. This makes me feel like we’re such bitches.” Matt laughed a bit.

     “Yeah, well, we are kind of bitches. Here we are fighting then on the verge of crying. Whining to the other over two people we can’t have and still sleeping together to take the pain away.” Renae shook her head.

    “Our momma’s raised two fine specimens didn’t they?” Renae took a swig of her water and when she finished Matt grabbed her hands.

     “Despite everything, I think they did pretty okay. I’m sorry Renae, I didn’t want this to happen, you know that. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry.” Matt felt himself crying and Renae hugged him. It wasn’t fair, he never had a shot at Shiro, and with Adam gone there was a hole missing in both of the men’s lives. Matt hated how he felt that he finally had a shot, how Shiro was open and on the market, how Matt wanted to puke in the toilet because he was a sick individual for thinking the way he was.

     “Matt? Matt! Hey, hey, you’re not breathing properly stop it. Stop thinking what you’re thinking you can’t do this to yourself again.” It didn’t work, and before Matt knew it he was rushed to the bathroom and placed over the porcelain seat. The small contents of his stomach came up in flash and Matt tasted acid in his mouth. Renae rubbed his back and held his hair while Matt continued to cry over the seat. This wasn’t fair, he’s such a sick individual, and now his own body even hates him.

     An hour later and Matt was safe enough to move aside from the toilet and lean against the bathroom wall. It was silent, Renae handed him a toothbrush with toothpaste on it and a cup of water. Matt thanked her and he cleaned his mouth up. Handing the brush back to her, Matt spit the foam in his mouth out in the toilet then used the water to clear his mouth. Sitting back against the wall, he closed his eyes as he felt Renae scooch next to him.

     “Matt, I-.” Matt cut her off.

     “No Renae, It’s okay. I’m sorry, I didn’t expect this to happen. But I think thanks to this we now know really where to go with our relationship.” Renae nodded an interlocked her hand with Matt’s.

     “I really do love you Matt, I only want you to be happy. I never told you this, but you remind me so much of Jena. Maybe that’s why I was drawn to you.” Matt snorted.

     “Last I checked Renae, I don’t have a pair of breasts.” Renae smacked Matt’s shoulder as he laughed.

     “Oh stop, your personality was all I needed.” Matt hummed.

     “Course, Jena was definitely packing if I’m being honest.” Matt chocked on spit and air as Renae laughed.

     “TMI babe TMI.” The two laugh before dying down and sitting in silence once again.

     “There’s a few ships heading to her planet, she lived right in the heart of everything so the planet needs some desperate TLC. I was thinking of going.” Matt looks over at Renae who is smiling sadly.

     “I miss her Matt, and with everything going on it makes me miss her more. I want to know if she’s alive, if not then I can pay my respects.” Matt squeezed Renae’s hand, he understood perfectly.

     “Would you have gone whether or not any of this happened?” Renae nodded without hesitation.

     “Before anything else, she is my friend.” It was almost like looking in a mirror.

     “When do the ships leave?” Silence.

     “Day after tomorrow.”

* * *

 

     Two days pass and Matt leaves work earlier than he thinks he is allowed to. Speeding to the launch area, Matt finds Renae talking with a few other rebels and clutching her bags tightly. Hopping out of the car and running up to her, Matt hugs her from behind and earns a small scream in response.

     “Hey there, you ready for the big trip?” Matt lets Renae go and she turns to face him.

     “I am. More nervous than anything, who knows what will happen.” Matt nods, he would be nervous too. The rebels Renae was talking to give them some privacy and Matt is thankful for that. Right now though, neither of them know what to say.

      “I think we’re the worst couple ever.” Matt laughs, leave it to Renae to break the silence with bluntness.

     “I think is had to do more with the circumstances. Most of the time we were fine. Our breakup could’ve been better.” Renae nods.

     “It was for the best though; neither of us based this relationship on something good to begin with.” Matt can’t disagree and it hurts a bit.

     “Be safe okay? There really aren’t any threats but journeys can still be rocky. Send me a message when you can, I’ll be waiting.” Renae nods her head and the two hug. It transfers so many emotions that both huggers begin to cry, neither fully ready to say goodbye in any sense. Parting after a few more moments, Matt cups Renae’s face and gives her cheek a kiss. It’s the most either really want.

     “I love you Renae.”

     “I love you too Matt.”

      The ships depart soon after and Matt doesn’t know how to feel.

* * *

 

     The day after Renae’s launch around the time of eleven p.m, Matt finds himself punching in an override code at Shiro’s dorm door and busting in. Matt had spent the last hour going round the dorm building hoping to find him before giving up and calling his dad who told him Shiro was on the third floor, room 55D. Shiro is reading different papers that are littering around him on the couch and he jumps when he hears his door open. Matt doesn’t say anything as he looks in Shiro’s fridge and smiles when he sees what he came for.

     “Grab your shit Shiro, we’re going for a ride.” Shiro wants to object, wants to know why Matt seems so sad and pissed, but instead follows him out his dorm door. Matt is holding the two cases of beer that were in Shiro’s fridge, the keys to his cruiser dangling from his mouth. They round different corners and make it to the stair well. Shiro would have asked to take the elevators but Matt doesn’t seem to remember they even exist.

     The trip outside doesn’t last more than seven minutes and the two get in the cruiser without a word spoken between them. Matt starts it and drives them off into the desert. It’s a nice night, a slight breeze going as the moon illuminates the earth. Shiro glances at Matt out of the corner of his eye and notices that his eyes are red and his hair is a ruffled mess. Something is wrong.

     A few minutes later and Matt stops the cruiser once they get to the cliff. Matt leaves the keys in the car as he grabs the beer and gets out. Shiro follows closely behind and the two sit down at the edge. Matt is the first to crack one open, chugging it down like it’s water then grabbing another. It’s terrifying, Shiro knows something is up, but he’s scared to even ask. Thankfully, he doesn’t have to.

     “Renae left yesterday. Went with a crew to a planet to reunite with her friend and past lover.” Shiro widens his eyes. He had heard from Sam and Colleen about Renae, Matt’s girlfriend he met while fighting out in space.

     “We had this huge fight then heart-to-heart. I don’t know whether to be happy or sad.” Matt opens another beer, two already gone.

      “I loved her you know? I really did. I’m too stupid though to actually focus on her and not someone else. Fuck my life I guess.” The third beer starts to kick into Matt’s system, he feels it all over his body and hums. Shiro grabs one and takes a sip, seems like tonight will be long.

     “War is horrible Shiro. It changes people in ways they should never be changed, then throws them away without a care.” Shiro nods his head.

     “I didn’t ask to be abducted by the Galra, be separated from my family and best friend, get traumatized by the blood and death. I especially didn’t ask for a chance at love, but then have it based on need.” Shiro nodded again and grabbed another beer, having finished his first while Matt moved onto his fourth.

     “Whatever I guess, I loved her, and we’re going to be happier apart. Just wish things were handled better, wish I wasn’t some hopeless puppy unable to move the hell on. Mmmm shit this stuff is kicking in.” Matt sets his beer down and rubs his head a bit. Shiro can feel the buzz starting for him as well and it’s nice.

     “I can’t count how many times we had heart-to-hearts over cheap beer and sitting over some edge. This really feels like home. Hopefully we don’t fall asleep again.” Shiro laughs a bit, he’d never admit that those times were his favorite after his and Adam’s breakup.

     The minutes go by in silence as the two slowly start to drink the beer less and less, eventually stopping all together as they become fully hammered. Matt lays down on his back as his vision dances and tries to focus on the stars above. Shiro joins him and the two are side to side, heat radiating between them.

     “Matt, I think I’m drunk.” Shiro bursts into a fit of giggles as if he’s just told the best joke in the galaxy. Matt snorts loudly and turns on his side.

     “Shiro, I, I have to admit I think I’m drunk too.” Shiro giggles even harder at that and Matt can’t keep his body fully on his side any longer. He flops back onto his back as he laughs as well.

     “Mmmmm I don’t wanna get up, can’t we just sleep here?~” Shiro wraps an arm around Matt’s waist and snuggles into his neck. Matt tries to move away but instead wiggles wildly with no force behind it. Shiro merely laughs as he brings Matt closer to him than he already is.

     “Don’t fight it Matt, your weakness is cuddles.” Matt gasps.

     “How could you expose me like this, now I don’t wanna cuddle with you. Let me go we aren’t friends anymore.” Matt pushes at Shiro’s arm and is able to get free. Shiro whines loudly as he just lays as a lump on the ground. Matt sits up a few feet away from him and humphs.

     “Don’t whine, it won’t change my mind.” Shiro whines even more at that.

     “Oh come onnn Mattttt, I’m sorry I promise.” Shiro looks up at him with the saddest look on his face that he can pull drunk and Matt feels himself giving in.

     “No I don’t want your apology, I’m hurt.”Shiro frowns even more.

     “Fine be that way, I’ll just catch you.” Matt raises an eyebrow and watches as Shiro pushes himself up and wobbles a bit to stand up. Shiro smirks as he brings his arms out.

     “Better run Matt.” Matt actually squeals as Shiro comes after him and tries to grab him. Matt rolls away a bit and pushes himself up to get on his feet. The chase doesn’t last very long as Shiro trips and grabs Matt by pure luck and they both tumble to the ground.

     “I win!” Matt grumbles.

     “Nooo you cheated.”

     “I won fair and square, now cuddle with me.” Matt doesn’t have a choice as Shiros climbs on top of him and wraps his arms around his waist. The two are silent and Matt can only hear a random cricket here and there in between his and Shiro’s breathing.

     “Matt, I love you.” Matt laughs.

     “Love you too Shiro.” Shiro shakes his head and looks up at Matt.

     “No silly, I love you, like how I loved Adam.” Matt feels himself sober up for a split second. He studies Shiro’s face and the man looks ready to pass out any second.

     “Okay Shiro.” Shiro nods his head and places it back on Matt’s chest.

     “Mmm been wanting to tell since Kerberos. Never thought-.” The sentence ends there as Shiro passes out and Matt is left awake in the dark. Matt shakes Shiro a bit but the other doesn’t wake. Too tired to really care about the situation, Matt wraps his arms around Shiro as well and lets sleep take him.

* * *

 

     Matt’s a wreck now going on almost three weeks of not speaking to or seeing Shiro. After waking up from their night at the cliff, everything was silent as the two got up, cleaned the cans, and rode back to the Garrison. Both parted ways toward their respective dorms and Matt spent the rest of the day sleeping and puking. He wanted to make sure Shiro was okay, but he was given a different area and shift to work and any free time he had was spent sleeping. Now that so much time has passed without so much as a quick message from Shiro worries Matt to no end.

      The night took about four days to remember clearly. Shiro’s confession made Matt scared and nervous and he slapped himself mentally for saying ‘okay’. If Shiro remembered the night clearly like Matt did, then it would explain why Shiro was being distant; but at the same time it caused Matt to want to confront it and just get it over with.

     “HOLT GO HOME SHIFTS OVER!” Matt gives a salute to his new boss FDE and takes his gloves off. Grabbing his things, Matt walks to the familiar cruiser and drives back to the Garrison. It’s Saturday night and Matt is shocked to be home before the sun set. With nothing to do he simply wants to eat something, shower, and sleep until next year. Those plans fly out the window upon seeing a note on his door. Getting closer, Matt unsticks it from his door and reads it.

_‘Meet me at the observatory whenever you can tonight. –Shiro’_

     Matt feels butterflies in his stomach and wants to crumble the note up and pretend it wasn’t there. Walking into his dorm, Matt grabs a water from the fridge and drinks it in one sitting. If Shiro wants to meet him then it’ll only be about one thing. Matt knows after tonight things won’t be the same. Deciding to man up and go, Matt forgoes showering and brushes his hair quickly, puts it up, and then leaves.

     He isn’t in a huge rush to make it to the observatory, but unlike the first time It seems he makes it before he knows it. Shiro isn’t waiting outside like the last time they did this, Matt takes a deep breath as he walks inside the observatory and into the auditorium. Shiro is sitting in the middle row looking up and doesn’t turn around when the door slams shut.

     Both are quiet, Matt walks over to sit next to Shiro who is still looking up.

     “Do you remember how Adam proposed to me?” Matt nods his head.

     “Happened right here, he was so nervous he almost dropped the ring and fumbled twice on what to say. I remember you giving him a hard time afterwards when I told what happened.” Matt smiles a bit, Adam was easy to jab at, but Matt never said anything damaging nor did he mean it.

     “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. So much time has passed, I know it’s pointless thinking about the past. However, I can’t forget the past because you’re part of it too.” Matt wants to ask what that means, feeling dread well up in him.

      “After Adam and I broke up we both turned to you for help. God we were so devastated, couldn’t even properly figure our shit out like adults. I felt so bad that we dumped everything onto you, even if you said it wasn’t a problem.” Shiro turned his head, now finally looking at Matt.

     “I don’t know how you put up with us, but you did and soon enough I know we got better. And like I mentioned a while back, we had a huge talk and Adam mentioned you. Funny thing is I couldn’t argue with him. I just don’t think I was ready to admit it.” Matt looked at Shiro with a puzzling gaze and Shiro shifted a bit and turned to face Matt fully.

     “Matt, after everything that happened and all that you did for me, I found myself caring about you more than I ever did before. You were this wild canon that shot out anywhere it could and I found myself dying to catch up to you. Despite my condition, you encouraged me to follow my dream, to go out into space one last time and see all that it had to offer. You never gave up on me, and the time we were together in space made me come to hate the Galra even more.” Shiro reached out and took Matt’s hand.

     “When it came to the arena, I knew in that split second that I had fallen for you Matt. I saw you there, so scared and on the verge of shaking that I did whatever it took to protect you. If you could live and get out of the situation I would have gladly died. I hoped to all end that I would have been able to see you again while in captivity but fate had other plans. But now everything is over and I have had time to reflect and grieve, while also healing and moving on. I’m sorry this is a lot.” Matt doesn’t think he’s blinked the entire time Shiro spoke. He wants to run home, dive under his blankets, and never come out. It’s everything he ever wanted, at a time he feels isn’t the best.

     “Matt? Hey you okay?” Shiro waves his hand in front of Matt’s face and Matt blinks a few times.

     “Sorry, yes I’m okay.” Shiro stops waving his hand.

     “Shiro, I don’t even know where to begin. This, all you’ve said, it’s all I’ve ever wanted you to say to me. But the timing, Adam, Renae, it’s all just too much. I don’t want to feel bad about being with you, I already hate myself for having been in love with you since our years here at the Garrison. I.” Shiro interrupts him.

     “Wait what? Matt you’ve, you, you’ve been in love with me sense then?” Matt laughs a bit, nothing really behind it.

     “Shiro, since the first day I met you I’ve been in love with you. You however were with Adam and I respected that and valued the friendship all three of us had more than anything. Renae knew all this, I never shut up about you when we first met. After a year or two though we gravitated towards each other for the wrong reasons. I did love her, but I couldn’t fully and neither could she. I’m scared Shiro, I want to be with you, I want this so bad, I know all this without a doubt, but is it okay to do this now?” Shiro finds himself wiping Matt’s tears that are flowing down his face. Matt’s response made Shiro’s heart jump, but seeing how torn Matt is about the situation made Shiro only want to wrap him up and take him away from everything.

     “Matt, hey shh it’s okay don’t cry. Don’t be scared, if I didn’t want this either I wouldn’t have confessed. I’m sorry it took me so long, I felt like such an idiot after that night on the cliff. I was sure you weren’t even going to show up.” Matt sniffed a bit.

     “Almost didn’t, but I needed to.” Shiro smiled a bit.

     “I’m glad you did.”

     “Me too.”

     “Would you go out on a date with me?”

     “I just finished crying Shiro.”

     “I’m sorry.”

     Matt sighs a bit but smiles, he really needs to stop crying over everything. Looking at Shiro, Matt thinks. Really thinks about what was just said and the future. He can’t help but laugh though as a song pops into his head.

     “What’s so funny?” Matt stops laughing for a bit to pull out his phone, giggles escaping here and there as he quickly brings up the song. Clicking the right video, it takes a few seconds to load before familiar piano key notes ring out from Matt’s phone speakers. Shiro’s face falls a bit and he raises an eyebrow.

     “Really Matt, really? This song? This white girl, white Starbucks mocha frappe, meme of the early 2000’s song is what’s on your mind right now?” Matt giggles again but contains himself to explain.

     “Listen to it Shiro, really listen. It’s us, its describing us.” Shiro continues to keep his eyebrow raised as he listens to the song he knows by heart but hates.

_~If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by? ‘Cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight.~_

      Shiro gets a flashback to when he won the title of ‘Champion’ and tried to gain intel on where Matt was taken. No one would tell him, not even the others sent to fight. Many lonely nights were spent in a cell curled up against the wall, dreaming of seeing Matt or even just a small word that he was alive.

_~It’s always times like these when I think of you and I wonder if you ever think of me. ‘Cause everything’s so wrong and I don’t belong living in your precious memories.~_

     Both don’t say anything, they both thought this at different times, and sometimes at once.

     Soon the song is slowly coming to an end, and the final chorus begins. It adds another line that brings a sense of emptiness to anyone who hears it. So many nights throughout the years were spent crying and shaking, wanting to have the other near but unable to as a war tore them apart. It would seem impossible that a song turned into a meme would describe it so perfectly.

     Once the final piano keynote plays, Matt turns his phone off and puts it away. It’s silent again, and Shiro breaks it by laughing a bit.

     “I hate it when you’re right.” Matt grins.

     “Guess you’re just gonna have to keep dealing with it.” Shiro laughs again.

     “Matt, this might be a bit forward but-.” Matt cuts him off.

     “Just kiss me Shiro I swear to God.” Shiro almost stumbles grabbing Matt and bringing him closer to him. The kiss is intense, filled with so many emotions and feeling like paradise and home all at once. Shiro runs his human hand through Matt’s hair, taking it out of its ponytail while wrapping his robotic arm around his waist. Matt wraps his arms around Shiro’s neck, gasping a bit as Shiro plays with his now loose hair.

     The kiss is a mess as Matt cries tears of happiness and Shiro tries to bring Matt closer as if to mesh their bodies together. They break apart multiple times to catch their breaths but resume right after, trying to make up for all the time they didn’t make a move. The universe stills need to be fixed, Earth needs to be brought back to its former glory, but in that moment nothing else mattered except making up for lost time. In this moment, both could safely say that they felt like they truly walked a thousand miles to get to the other.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm basically dead because this is more alive than my will to live. 
> 
> hmu on my tumblr if you want to scream about shatt, matt, or see some amazing shit in general: @blackpaladincoran
> 
> Kudos and comments make my day *wink wink*


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